G'day, folks :-)

Below is the text of an advertisement that appeared in the 'Personal' columns (Page 46) of "The West Australian" newspaper for Monday 3rd October, 2005.
2 HRS        $35        7 DAYS
Lovers Nest         9459 4130

Thornlie Motel is part of Perth City Motels, who are also established in Osborne Park.

Built (I think) in the 1970's, the single-storey Thornlie Motel is in Connemara Drive, at its intersection with Spencer Road, and opposite the Thornlie Square Shopping Centre.

Access to the existing eight units is from a single internal corridor. A future extension will add a further twenty units that will be larger (more rooms) and have more private access.

Units are Single, Double, or Three.

Short-term tariffs are:

  • 3 hours    $40
  • 4 hours    $50
  • 5 hours    $60
  • 6 hours    $70

A key deposit of $10 is required.

Facilities like this are a real gem for the kink community, but I think we need to be mindful of a few things if we're keen on their availability continuing. Liking a venue means you'll probably want to return again and again. Whether or not there is a next time could depend on how you behave this time.

While not implying that Thornlie Motel is suited to practising any form of bdsm, I'm sure the temptation will arise, so I'd like to now take a meandering walk through what I call 'Motel Etiquette'

"An empty unit pays no bills."

Mathematically there are twelve 2-hour 'slots' in an average day. Somewhat surprisingly there are also twelve in a non-average day. The motel proprietors will be keen on utilising as many of them as possible. Having to devote maybe upwards of an hour to refurbishing a unit you have just vacated will tarnish their keen-ness. Your help will be greatly appreciated.

  • Wash, dry, and replace in cupboards any crockery and cutlery you use. There is no need for the full theatrical thing with detergent, suds, mop and apron. Boiling water from the kettle, poured over dishes in the sink, will leave things sparkling. Get into the habit of including a roll of paper towels in your 'kink kit'. Use them to remove anything stubborn from the cutlery. That's nicer than leaving a tea-towel smeared with 'TimTam' skidmarks. Dry and store the items you've cleaned.
  • Re-making beds takes time and energy - and an injury-free back. Most units have a double bed in the main bedroom, and two single beds in a second bedroom. Do not use more beds than you need to. If you need to uncover a bed, then do so by rolling and folding the quilt and blankets. Not being faced with a tangled mass of sheets, blankets, etc, means re-making will be much easier when the time comes. Leave the lower sheet exposed, as this will facilitate the housekeeper doing a 'wetspot' check. They probably change the sheets regardless, but it gives a good impression to not appear to be hiding something.
  • Housework takes time and a lot of energy. You'll need to allow for it in your 2-hour slot. And you'll need to expand that allowance considerably if you have 'toys' to clean and equipment to dismantle. Leaving it all until the end of a session, when all you want to do is 'veg-out', may see you walking out the door sighing "Oh, stuff it. I'll do it tomorrow." Get into the habit of cleaning and tidying as you go. And it needn't be an academy performance. With a bit of forethought, housework can be made almost invisible.
"Two's company, three is a bloody mob!"

Motels that offer short-term accommodation assume a unit will be occupied by two people. Gangbangs, birthday parties, and other crowds will definitely be noticed and will result in re-visits being denied. No, they don't say they'll 'ban' you, just that they're 'reluctant to see you again' :-)

"What part of 'over-stayed' don't you get?"

Two hours means two hours, not two-hours-and-ten-minutes. If you think there's a good chance you'll be pushed for time, book two time-slots, back-to-back. Better to vacate an hour before you need to, rather than five minutes after you should have. Actually, that need rarely be the case, as it'd be a pretty austere post-scene unwind that couldn't benefit from an extra languid hour or so :-)

"Do you want some help with all that stuff?"

Limited bdsm can be done very successfully in a motel unit. But you'll need to carefully customise all your gear. Not only will it need to be fully mobile, but also economical of space and weight. If the proprietor observes you taking thirty minutes and fifteen trips to transfer your stuff from car to unit then it's likely you'll hear a sympathetic "Er, pardon me, mate, but we've got a furniture trolley out back, if you want to use that."

  • Work out what you'll need then halve it, at least. Admitting to oneself that one is packing enough gear for a full day's session is never easy. Everything seems to fall into the "take it just-in-case" category. Just remember that more gear means more housework. And anyway, the gear is only to augment the operation. In the end, it's you and your ability to manage and improvise that will carry the day.
  • You may not be accepting money for your services, but I think it's always good to convey a professional attitude. Being 'on site' early and being fully prepared is the mark of a professional. But if that's not feasible (your partner may be travelling with you in the same car) then you'll want to be able to stroll nonchalantly from car to unit carrying all your gear in one or two hands. For example, a small suitcase and a large plastic bucket-with-lid (to accommodate 'wet-things', and be a receptacle for removing rubbish). Perhaps add to this a long length of PVC pipe, capped at each end, in which to carry canes. However, so burdened, be alert for questions from the curious, such as "Where ya goin' fishin', mate?"
  • Apart from restraining a person on a bed, I suggest that the most ambitious thing which involves the building fabric of the motel should be the securing of wrists above the head. 'F'-cramps positioned above the architrave of an open doorway are an excellent way of achieving this. A pair of '80x150' from your hardware store will be the heaviest item in your kink-kit. Make sure you tighten them with plastic pads covering the face of the jaws, to avoid marking the wallplaster. The sturdier 'G'-cramps can also be used, but they are heavier and lack the quick-action adjustibility of their 'F' cousins.
"Don't re-enact the 'Eureka Stockade'!"

Using paddles - and even the bare hand - to spank can sound like a volley of smallarms fire. You don't want people outside in the carpark ducking non-consensually for cover. A cane striking a bare bottom makes much less noise, although this relative silence can be offset by loud expletives issuing from the other end of the recipient. Closing doors and windows and drawing curtains will help to contain the woes of a walloping.

"Who's got the key?"

As far as I'm aware, short-term tenants won't be asked for contact details. This seems to be part of motel privacy policy. But it can leave the motel with no avenue for recovering a key that hasn't been returned. It also leaves the motel unable to contact the likely owner of any property left behind in wardrobes and bedside drawers. Do be mindful of these aspects of your tenancy. If the office will be unattended when you leave, please make sure you have a mutually-agreed arrangement for returning the key. Leaving the key on top of the refrigerator is a common practice.

"A Stitch in Time"

If for no better reason than avoiding an accusation of being the cause, do report as soon as possible any damage or malfunction in the unit you're hiring. Domestic staff are not in the unit long enough to become annoyed by a lavatory cistern that won't shut-off, or a kitchen tap that drips incessantly. But if you're intent upon doing a quiet scene such noises can become intolerable distractions.

Lest anybody has formed the belief that I have a fetish for housework, let me assure them to the contrary. But I have used the short-term facility of many motels over the years, and I'm convinced that attention to the things I've discussed above will earn you 'favoured client' status. The staff will often go out of their way to find a vacancy during busy periods; there will always be ice available in the 'frig; and if you're lucky they won't frown if you overstay your time.

An increasing number of establishments are offering short-term facilities, but I suspect they do so against a background of almost-static occupancy rates. If we continue to value the three-hour hide-away then we must do our bit to keep the reservoirs of goodwill topped-up.

©2005 Eric Carwardine ecarward@bigpond.net.au